Things you can't do if you're famous--AND--Dude, where's my Ego?

If you're famous, you can't dance crazily in your car with the windows down to Art of Noise's version of Kiss and have s a little kid in the car next to you open his window and happily wave to you Just Because You're Fun, not because you're Famous. If I'd a pulled a stunt like that as the Famous Person I once wished to be, I'd be hanging out with Britney Spears lamenting anything I'd ever done publicly...

In other news, Dude, where's my ego? Yesterday a car on the freeway Totally cut me off and I DID NOT fly the bird. *gasp* In fact, I did not Even CARE. I'm looking for the pod because my identity has most certainly been 'napped and replaced. Today in Costco--yes, I went to Costco on Christmas Eve--there was Pure Madness. I thought surely if I wasn't run down in the parking lot, I'd be run down in the aisles. Samples? Yeah, if you're willing to Die for them. No thanks. Even Little Dude sensed the craziness and did not perform his usual Costco Chant (ILovesamplesILovesamplesILovesamples...). I looked diligently up and down every aisle for my Ego, but try as I might, I couldn't find it. I let people pass me, I let them stand in my way, I just didn't care. Not in a Eff This sort of way, just in a happy-doodling-along sort of way. Like Pooh in The Tao Of Pooh. When I got to the parking lot and saw the way the Giant SUV had parked next to me so that I couldn't easily move my car I thought I'd get mad. I Tried to be upset. The woman arrived at said vehicle at the same time. I opened my mouth to say something snarky, and out came, "I'll wait for you and let you pull out to make it easier for you." And I Smiled! At someone else's Transgression! If That's not a sign that the word will end in 2012, I don't know what is...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS (and just a tad conspiracy theory...)

Using one's blog to post a Holiday Letter. Ain't the interwebs Grand? ;)

Good Christmas Eve All,

Well, as many of you have probably already guessed, I'm not a big Card Giver. There are a number of reasons for this: I'm in the running for the reduce/reuse/recycle award. Yeah, there is no such thing, but, boy, if there was... Also, I know when we receive cards we are faced with the dilemma of whether or not to chuck 'em, and when. It feels so callous to just toss it in the recycle bin straight away, but eventually it's going to end up there. Lastly, I just plain procrastinate. At least now I can blame it on my Eco-Green-Hippy beliefs. For those of you who I've know for years and have never gotten a card (or on time, at least), I apologize. ;)

And, who would I be without a little conspiracy? Since we All know Hallmark (et al) is largely to blame for our Need to Spend at the holidays, I say...Well, you know what I would say, but somehow it seems inappropriate in a Holiday letter.

Well sir, it's been a year alright. Plenty of not-so-great things have happened, but, really, why dwell? Lots of Good things have happened and that's what counts! (Well, technically, without the "bad" things the "good" things would not seem as swell, but that's a different discussion for a different time.) I'm sad that another year has passed, but looking forward to the upcoming one, with a vow to be more present in the moment so it doesn't slip by so fast.

Happy Holiday, whichever you observe, and Happy MidWinter if you observe none! May you have a pleasant day, week, month, year, life...............

Always,

Ten Reasons to Use Paper Grocery Sacks as Gift Wrap

For the Greenies:

If you Have paper grocery sacks in your home, you are clearly not remembering to take your recycled burlap-coffee-sack-turned-grocery-bag-made-by-fair-trade-organic-starving-farmers-in-South America to Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods. Redeem your Ecological Karma by reusing the bag as wrapping paper

For the Patriots:

Paper sacks were invented by a Union soldier. But, chances are your bag was not produced in the United States of America. Chances are high that neither was your wrapping paper. Do your Patriotic Duty and use your paper grocery sack to make, right here in the Good Ol’ U S of A, your own gift wrap.

For Those Who Don’t Wrap So Well:

Your package is gonna look like a chimpanzee wrapped it—now you can blame it on the bulky paper.

For the Arteeests:

You didn’t let a random number generator computer program pick your gift, why wrap it in some generic wrap that anyone and everyone has already seen? Design it yourself and show that special someone how much they really mean.

For the Non-Artists:

Use Reason One or Two as a story to distract the person while s/he is unwrapping the plain-paper gift.

For the Fastidious Un-Wrapper:

Everyone has one in the family. This person takes an agonizingly long time to unwrap his or her gift, acting as if this paper is the most valuable resource on the planet. Aunt Besty may be planning to reuse the paper, may have OCD or may just be a pain in the ass. Get back at her by giving her some wrapping that is impossible to undo neatly.

For the Ripitopenlikeitstryingtogetaway Un-Wrapper:

Why waste money buying beautiful gift wrap for these folks? They obviously don’t care. In reality, save the bag and don’t wrap these gifts at all. Unless it’s for children, in which case, the thickness of the grocery bag may actually slow the process down a little. (I suggest packing tape for these also.)

For the Frugal:

You never throw anything away and hate spending money. Need I say more?

For the Spendy:

Look like you give a crap about the environment and the economy at the same time by wrapping the latest version of iPhone for your 10 year old (since he surely can’t be caught dead with last year’s model) in some home made gift wrap. But only if he is un-wrapping it at a huge gala where lots of folks will see it.

Lastly, if you are reading this you have not wrapped your packages, and there is no chance in hell you will get anything decent in the store, even after fighting the last-minute shopping crowd.

Have a happy holiday season, all!!