Ten Reasons to Use Paper Grocery Sacks as Gift Wrap

For the Greenies:

If you Have paper grocery sacks in your home, you are clearly not remembering to take your recycled burlap-coffee-sack-turned-grocery-bag-made-by-fair-trade-organic-starving-farmers-in-South America to Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods. Redeem your Ecological Karma by reusing the bag as wrapping paper

For the Patriots:

Paper sacks were invented by a Union soldier. But, chances are your bag was not produced in the United States of America. Chances are high that neither was your wrapping paper. Do your Patriotic Duty and use your paper grocery sack to make, right here in the Good Ol’ U S of A, your own gift wrap.

For Those Who Don’t Wrap So Well:

Your package is gonna look like a chimpanzee wrapped it—now you can blame it on the bulky paper.

For the Arteeests:

You didn’t let a random number generator computer program pick your gift, why wrap it in some generic wrap that anyone and everyone has already seen? Design it yourself and show that special someone how much they really mean.

For the Non-Artists:

Use Reason One or Two as a story to distract the person while s/he is unwrapping the plain-paper gift.

For the Fastidious Un-Wrapper:

Everyone has one in the family. This person takes an agonizingly long time to unwrap his or her gift, acting as if this paper is the most valuable resource on the planet. Aunt Besty may be planning to reuse the paper, may have OCD or may just be a pain in the ass. Get back at her by giving her some wrapping that is impossible to undo neatly.

For the Ripitopenlikeitstryingtogetaway Un-Wrapper:

Why waste money buying beautiful gift wrap for these folks? They obviously don’t care. In reality, save the bag and don’t wrap these gifts at all. Unless it’s for children, in which case, the thickness of the grocery bag may actually slow the process down a little. (I suggest packing tape for these also.)

For the Frugal:

You never throw anything away and hate spending money. Need I say more?

For the Spendy:

Look like you give a crap about the environment and the economy at the same time by wrapping the latest version of iPhone for your 10 year old (since he surely can’t be caught dead with last year’s model) in some home made gift wrap. But only if he is un-wrapping it at a huge gala where lots of folks will see it.

Lastly, if you are reading this you have not wrapped your packages, and there is no chance in hell you will get anything decent in the store, even after fighting the last-minute shopping crowd.

Have a happy holiday season, all!!